We have spent more time agonizing over our ‘yummy mummy’ wardrobe than we did our working wardrobe. It’s easy to feel like power-dressing applies to both the office and playground. We feel better when we look better – call us shallow if you like. Motherhood, at least temporarily, does a number on the figure, but well-chosen clothes can compensate.

There are a few basic tips that will help, even without having to go on a shopping spree.

1. Don’t try to squeeze into your pre-pregnancy jeans right away. Our recommendation is 6 weeks to 3 months after giving birth was our experience. Maternity jeans are not only comfy, but they will look a lot better without the huge tummy.
2. Accept your dress-sense made need restyling. Tops that are tight around the tummy may no longer be flattering, but you still have plenty of assets to flaunt. Look for flattering necklines or hemlines.
3. Re-examine your wardrobe. First, set out the items that still work. This will make it easier to get dressed with confidence. Second, pack away the items that don’t. Revisit these items in 6-12 months time, or before you return to work. This will inject instant life into your wardrobe.
4. Change your hair. Not only can it be a confidence booster, this is your chance to pare down on a demanding routine if necessary.
5. Invest in essentials. If you are going shopping, spend your money on well-fitting bras and knickers, and tank tops or camisoles. These work wonders for providing cover to that tummy and breast-feeding.

Don’t only say no.

• Sometimes the best way to say ‘no’ is to provide an alternative. Someone wants to come stay with you the moment you are home from hospital? Propose an alternative solution. Be honest. State why: my partner and I really want to spend the first hours/days/weeks bonding as a new family with our baby. Then suggest some later dates or send them to a nearby hotel. (You may even be able to negotiate a special rate if you have lots of guests coming.)
• If all else fails and guests do make an untimely visit, put them to work. Most will be happy to help, and you will be in no shape to entertain. Send them out with the shopping list, ask them to help with baby’s unending laundry, or put them in charge of the takeaway run.

Don’t turn down help or be afraid to ask for it.

• Whenever an offer is well-meant but misguided or just plain unhelpful, don’t say, ‘no thanks.’ Try saying, ‘Instead of babysitting, would you mind getting a few things from the supermarket for me? That would be such a big help.’
• Most people want to help, but unless it’s another new mother, they probably are not clued in to what you need most. Fill in the blanks for them. They will only be too glad for a little direction from you.

However, more than one dad has referred to himself as the baby-sitter, which falls very short of adequately describing fatherhood. Most dads will look to mothers for advice and encouragement, especially in those first weeks when baby and mother are joined at the hip, or shoulder, or breast… Whether it is the first or the hundredth nappy change for dad, mothers really do influence how dads see their roles as father.

1. Your other half deserves to feel loved, appreciated and competent. Be the one to initiate affection (new Dad’s are often low on cuddles).
2. Introduce dad to other new dads through your own network of mothers. He will benefit from father-friends as much as you do from mother-friends.
3. The only thing dad cannot do is breastfeed – the rest depends on him and largely on you too! Resist correcting, wincing or anxious observation – leave the room if you have to.
4. Learn and laugh about parenting together.
5. Babies soon learn that dad spells F-U-N. And dad and baby having fun means mother has a break.

• Discuss with your partner what you each expect life to be like with baby. Discuss with what needs to be done to care for baby and home; who needs to do it; and how it’s going to get done. If your partner cannot help with housework, perhaps they can contribute to the cost of a cleaner. Or set a ‘take out night’ to spare you cooking one evening.
• Agree with your partner when you will be ready for visitors, the duration and the options for accommodation. Be polite but firm with family and friends. You are the mother (recovering from birth) and visits should be on your terms.
• Tell close friends how important they are to you and apologise ahead of time if it takes 6 weeks for you to call them. Invite them to call you if they don’t hear from you.

Do invest in people other than baby.

• Before baby arrives, make a date and arrange a trusted babysitter for some time in the future. Otherwise, it’s far too easy to put this off in the first weeks and months. Even if all you do the first time is head down to the local pub or café for an hour while baby sleeps.
• Invest in some mother-friends. Find and befriend other new mothers through antenatal or postnatal classes. These women will keep you sane and help you laugh at yourself.
• Adopt an auntie. If you don’t have family close by or who can travel to be with you, a close friend who can be a surrogate auntie is the next best thing. Invite them to spend time with you and your baby. Because they are close, they will understand when you haven’t showered in days and even offer to help.

1. The transition from 2 to 3 rarely happens seamlessly on its own so make a point of setting aside time for you and your partner. Maintaining your relationship post baby can require a little creativity but its mostly common sense.
2. Share tasks around the home. In doing so, maintain perspective about the things that matter and those that don’t. We have yet to hear of anyone who really suffocated to death under a pile of ironing.
3. Set boundaries. This is not only about protecting your time but also directing well-meaning family and friends into doing something constructive to help you.
4. Spend time with other new mothers for moral support and plenty of laughs – the best tonic!
5. Adopt an Auntie – ‘more experienced’ neighbours or friends are brilliant surrogate family members if yours are not close by.

Most complaints or concerns fall into three areas: breasts, latching or supply. And, most concerns are like a bad case of the hiccups. Annoying, perhaps mildly uncomfortable, but they will go away. Unfortunately, some do require medical attention. Do not be hard on yourself and tough it out if that’s the case. The problem will only get bigger. Seek professional help right away.

Breasts

• Engorgement – Full, hard and sore breasts are usually a problem in the early weeks of breastfeeding but may persist from time to time after that. Cabbage leaves and hot and cold flannels may offer some relief but won’t treat the cause. Breasts become engorged when they are not efficiently drained so ensure your baby is latching correctly. In addition, try expressing a little before or after a feed to ensure breasts drain efficiently.
• Blocked milk ducts – Small, tender lumps are usually a good indication one or more milk ducts is blocked. Yet again, this problem tends to be the result of inefficient draining. Massage before or during a feed and offer the affected breast to baby first. Express by hand or with an electric pump to further drain the breast.
• Cracked or bleeding nipples – Sore nipples in the early days of breastfeeding are completely normal and should ease as breasts toughen and you and your baby get comfortable with feeding positions and the all-important ‘latching technique’. Use a lanolin-based breast cream to sooth nipples. It is important to continue feeding from both breasts to stimulate your milk supply and efficiently drain both breasts. If this is too painful, try expressing milk with a breast pump until your nipples have recovered.

Latching

• Baby refuses on one side – This is usually not a problem that persists but can be frustrating and even troublesome if not managed. Express a little from the breast that baby is rejecting to prevent engorgement and persist in offering that breast to baby at each feed. You may also want to change your feeding positions to coax baby on!
• Baby can’t latch properly – Proper latching is the key to successful breastfeeding so this is not a problem to be ignored. Seek advice from your health visitor or a breastfeeding specialist as soon as possible. Consider alternate positions

Supply

• Not enough – Milk works on supply and demand so the more you stimulate production, the more will be produced. Feed baby on demand in the early weeks to encourage production of milk. Try expressing a little from both breasts between feeds to further stimulate your supply.
• Too much – Milk supply should normalise to baby’s needs over time (supply and demand again). If you are still finding your supply exceeds what baby needs, consider your feeding or expressing patterns. Keep your expressing between feeds to a minimum and try to regulate baby’s feeding patterns as much as you can. If the flow of your milk seems to strong for baby, try feeding lying down or express a small amount by hand before your baby latches on.

However, bottle feeding is no easier than breast feeding. If you were blown over by the choice in nappies, wait until you check out the choices in formula and bottles.

Stages

• Stage 1 milks are recommended from birth to 6 months, Stage 2 (follow-on milk) from 6 to 12 months, and Stage 3 for toddlers.
• If you are switching a baby older than 6 months from breast to formula milk, it can be a good idea to start with Stage 1 until their tummy is ready to move on.
• Most formula milks can be used from birth onwards – consult the packaging for details.

Milk

• Most formula milk is derived from cow’s milk. Soya based formula is available for babies who are lactose intolerant. Even if your baby is not lactose intolerant, be prepared to try a couple of different brands of formula. Baby’s tummy may tolerate one better than the others.
• Special formula milks can be used for particular digestive disorders – seek medical advice if you think your baby is having difficulty digesting formula.
• Formula powder should be mixed according to the directions on the pack using lukewarm boiled water. Mineral water is not recommended. Always test the temperature of the milk on your wrist – it should be lukewarm not hot.

Bottle

• Start with smallest teat (size 1). You may find your baby prefers one teat shape over another so be prepared to trial a few!
• While some brands promise to minimise air bubbles and gas, correct technique is the best prevention. Ensure the bottle is held at a 45 degree angle and the teat is always full of milk.
• Sterilising bottles and related equipment before use is very important to kill bacteria, especially in baby’s first year. After baby has started eating food, using a dishwasher will suffice because of the high temperatures. Be sure to practice good kitchen hygiene – once an item leaves the steriliser, it is no longer sterile.

Scientifically speaking, oxytocin, a hormone released after birth, enables the production of milk. At first, a thicker yellowish liquid called colostrum is produced which contains essential antibodies, vitamins and protein. After about 3 to 5 days, the breasts become engorged. They should feel hard and swollen, indicating the arrival of your milk.

At the beginning of each feed, the first sucks offer baby the fore milk. This is like the aperitif – just a little something to quench the thirst and whet the appetite. As the feed progresses, the baby reaches your hind milk. Like the main course, this is thicker and more filling to sustain baby until the next feed.

Try not to get too caught up in the science of breastfeeding and just focus on the basics.

Nurture your supply – The key ingredients for successful breastfeeding are a healthy, happy Mum, the right technique and perseverance. Take care of you!

• Stress and anxiety can affect levels of oxytocin and consequently your milk supply so try to stay relaxed and positive.
• Pamper your breasts. Massage regularly in the early days to relieve engorged breasts. Some mums find hot or cold flannels (or even cabbage leaves) offer relief! Invest in good nipple cream and apply often in the first few weeks to prevent cracking and relieve sore nipples.
• Make sure you stay hydrated and have healthy snacks to hand when feeding as you will spend a lot of time doing it. This is where Dad can be really helpful!

Master the technique – Breastfeeding is not a fashion statement. Form and function are equally important!

• Correct latching is the most important technique to master at the outset. If baby latches well, he not only feeds well but also drains your milk efficiently preventing engorgement and painful cracking and bleeding of your nipples. Baby is latching well if: your nipple and areola are completely in baby’s mouth; baby’s chin is resting on your breast and he can breath freely through his nose; and it is not painful for you. However, some discomfort is to be expected at the start.
• Always allow baby to empty the first breast during a feed before offering the other to ensure the hind milk is reached. If baby only needs one breast per feed, alternate at each feed to ensure you drain your breasts regularly.
• Feeding on demand in the early days (little and often) will encourage the production of milk. Never go more than 4-5 hours between feeds until baby is gaining weight.

Express yourself – If you are breastfeeding exclusively, consider expressing some milk and offering baby a bottle now and then from about 4 – 6 weeks old. This will make weaning easier and allows others to help with feeding.

• Like breastfeeding, pumping takes practice. The first few attempts, you may express very little milk. Keep at it, and over time, you should get more milk faster.
• Consider investing in an electric pump. This is the most effective way to express milk.
• Store expressed milk correctly: at room temperature for up to 4 hours; in a coolerbox with ice packs for 24 hours; in the fridge for 3–5 days; in the freezer for 3-6 months (freeze within 24 hours); and defrosted milk in the fridge for no more than 24 hours.
• Use a small teat size (1 or 2) if combining bottle and breastfeeding.

Breastfeeding

Despite what you may have heard (and observed in your local café), breastfeeding takes work and neither mother nor baby know exactly what to do at the start. What seems like something that should be completely natural can sometimes feel very unnatural to a new other.

1. Stay relaxed and positive and persevere! Successful breastfeeding does not happen overnight. It can take several weeks to establish.

2. Ensure baby is latching correctly:

• Your nipple and areola should be completely in baby’s mouth
• Baby’s chin should rest on your breast and he should be able to breath freely through his nose
• Baby is likely to alternate between a short and long sucking motion
• It should not be painful for you

3. Adopt and alternate comfortable feeding positions to make latching easier for baby and put less strain on you. Bring the baby up to your breasts (using pillows) rather than bending over.

4. Regular massage, expressing, and feeding little and often can prevent and alleviate engorged breasts and stimulate milk supply.

5. Allow baby to empty the first breast before offering the other and alternate breasts at each feed.

Bottlefeeding

Breastfeeding is not an option for everyone. Some medical conditions may rule out breastfeeding from the start, and in other cases, a baby may not be able to get enough milk without serious intervention. Whether you have decided to stop breastfeeding or bottle-feeding is a necessity for baby, don’t waste your energy on feeling guilty – again, trust your gut and know that you are doing the best you can for your baby.

1. Most formula milks can be used from birth onwards – consult the packaging for details – but seek medical advice if you think your baby is having difficulty digesting formula.

2. Sterilise bottles and related equipment before use (up to six months).

3. Start with smallest teat (size 1) and always use a small teat (size 1-2) if combining breast and bottle feeding.

4. Formula should be mixed accordingly to directions on the pack – use boiled water that has cooled slightly (mineral water is not recommended). Always test the temperature of the milk on your wrist – it should be lukewarm not hot.

5. Ensure teat is always full of milk to minimise air bubbles (45 degree angle).

Don’t create an artificial sleep environment

• There will be noise. Accept it. Let baby get used to it.
• Most beds don’t roll (or bounce or vibrate). Don’t rely on the pram every time to get baby to sleep.
• Let there be light. Blackout blinds or curtains can help, but ultimately, you will not be able to change the time the sun rises and sets. Even though you might be really tempted to wish this during the long summer evenings!

Don’t let baby become overtired

• Watch baby for sleep signals, including rubbing eyes, yawning and heavy lids, whimpering, sucking hand or fingers.
• Establish regular sleep patterns, including a window for morning and afternoon naps, and a set bed time based on baby’s signals.
• Don’t push baby’s awake time to suit your needs, or conversely, try to get them to sleep when they are genuinely not tired.

Don’t let crying get the best of you

• This is seriously hard for new mums (we know; we’ve been there), but it’s OKAY to let baby cry for a bit.
• If baby is crying but not hysterical, try walking away for up to 5 minutes. The break may help you calm down and help baby get to sleep.
• Some times baby cries because they want to be put down and left to go to sleep. Don’t be afraid to give this a try!